Mango Juice
by Horrorxxxgirl
Summary: Dave (actually Cat) finds three people aboard the Red Dwarf who aren't dead holograms
1. Chapter 1

It was cute- or considered cute- when a feline would place it's soft furry paws on its owners lips and eye lids while the owner slept; it was not cute- not even considered cute- when your feline was a grown man who just happened to be an evolved form of a cat. "Dave! Dave! Psst, Dave! Hey Dave!"

Dave woke up, but instead of seeing the top of his military gray alcove, he saw Cat, he was hovering above Dave's face, Cat's face darkened in the shadow thrown by the dim lights. He glared up at the feline man before tossing over to his side, making Cat jump down to the ground. "Bugger off." Dave's chin nuzzled into his breast in an effort to make Cat disappear.

"But Dave, this is really important!" said Cat.

Without turning over, Dave sneered. "Did you discover your reflection? And have just forgotten you did that last smegging week?" he hissed. "I don't care if you find yourself hot."

Cat poked Dave in the back. "Well, I am hot but no!" said Cat. The black with it's stars seemed endless and listening with it's own quiet. "This is Rimmer!"

"Rimmer is asleep like I would love to be again!" hissed Dave turning over to face Cat. There was a little, persistent ache in his right shoulder. "Rimmer is in his bunk, sleeping!" Cat took his arm and pulled him out of his bunk. Dave landed with a hard thud, was Cat space-fried stupid? Dave would need some superior fucking psychiatric drugs. "Great, now you woke up Rimmer! I won't hear the last of this for months!"

Cat made him look at Rimmer's bunk. It was neatly made and looked like he had not been there for some time. "I was trying to tell you this discovery had to do with Rimmer!" said Cat. "He's elsewhere on here, with a woman."

Dave looked up at Cat. "A woman?"

Cat laughed. "Yeah, that uptight smeghead and a woman!"

While that was surprising, what was more surprising was the fact another person was on the ship. "Is she a hologram?"

An amused grin twisted Cat's mouth. "No, but she doesn't seem too friendly, she won't talk to Rimmer," said Cat. "But she's great at staring contests. She doesn't blink!"

"Is she frozen?" asked Dave. He did not wait for Cat to answer and he left the room in search of Rimmer and the freeze chambers, his eyes blazing in excitement. "If I were a freeze chamber, where would I be?"

Dave took a right when Cat coughed. "Wrong way." He followed the man cat to a new part of Red Dwarf he had never been to before and this was not a big ship by anyone's standards. A heavy looking door stood open and Cat and Dave stepped through the door and into the room like hallway. Lined on either side of them were chambers where one could freeze another being.

"Did that smeghead find an alien?" hissed Dave.

Rimmer stood at the last chamber, it was a larger chamber, maybe built for aliens with three heads or three bodies, his head raced with the possibilities on what kind of female alien Rimmer had found. Dave watched as Rimmer placed his hand on the window. The air in this part of Red Dwarf was dry and smelled really stale. "Goodnight, love," he said to the being within the chamber.

Cat and Dave squeezed between two chambers, so Rimmer would not see them. The hum of the chambers was so loud; they could not hear Rimmer all that well. "And…is…that…the…story…do…have…to…tell…Rimmers…they…out."

This part of the Red Dwarf looked like the sort of place you saw in a sci-fi movie, where there's little left of a crew and an unknown alien takes it upon himself or herself to snack on the remaining crew. "Oh bloody hell, he made copies of himself!" moaned Dave. "And he made a female copy of himself. G-d help him if she's hot!"

Rimmer walked down the hall and closed the door behind him. Cat jumped out from between the chambers and started towards the end of the hallway. He urged Dave to come out as well. "I wanna show you the kittens."

Dave's face twisted with disgust, a feeling of nausea billowed in Dave's stomach after Cat's words. "You had sex with the female Rimmer?"

Cat curled his upper list in disgust. "What? Ewww! No man, she ain't no cat," laughed Cat. "She came with two kittens."

Dave made his way towards the end chamber, Cat following him. In the window he saw a woman, hair in a messy braid and down around her calves were two, very young children, boys. "He made a female copy and two children copies of himself?" asked Dave.

Cat pressed a hand to the button that unfroze the chambers. A siren sounded, making Cat go between two chambers again. Holly's voice boomed. "Unfreezing has begun!"


	2. Chapter 2

Rimmer was back in his room, getting dressed for bed, dressing down to an undershirt and boxers. "Unfreezing!?" Arnold gasped, who had a leg into his bed. He looked around his bunk, hoping to see Dave, who was not in their room. Rimmer grabbed his pants and began to stumble and jump into them as the darkness of the dim room pulsed, darkening by heartbeats.

"What are you doing, you tit?" asked Holly as Rimmer scurried around the room in an erratic manner. "It's not like she hasn't seen your undergarments before."

"Yeah, but Angus and Matt haven't," Arnold said. Rimmer moved his hands up and down on his body. "They don't need to see all of this!" He twisted away from the thought of his sons seeing him undressed.

Holly billowed a frantic laugh into the room. "What's your excuse for allowing _her_ to see that?" asked Holly, his voice was winter-cold. Holly could be a real shit-heel at times. Bloody appalling.

The woman moved towards Dave, a smile across her freckled face. "Ah, well, this lad hae tae be Dave Lista!" the woman said in a thick Scottish accent. "Oh nae, naw need tae be afraid, laddies, I'm Mrs. Rimmer! Lorna Rimmer!"

Dave chuckled to himself. He smiled and rubbed his chin. "You're Mrs. Rimmer? Mrs. Arnold Rimmer?"

"Aye and these wee laddies are the Rimmer boys!" smiled Lorna, bringing the boys in front of her instead of letting them hide behind her. They all shared the same moon bright eyes. One of them was the spitting image of Arnold and the other…not so much. "Angus is the one who takes after me side of the faimily! Little Matt here looks just like his faither!"

"Your what? His what?" asked Cat. Cat didn't understand Scottish dilect and words like faimily and faither threw him for a loop. "Is something wrong with your speech? Does it have to do with you being frozen?"

Dave pulled Cat away from Lorna as Matt and Angus hid behind their mother once more. "She's Scottish, you smeghead, it's how they talk! Be respectful," he hissed. "You're bloody scaring her kids."

The door behind Dave and Cat opened and in stepped Rimmer. "L…Lorna?" he breathed, not fully beliving his wife and two sons were unfrozen, unharmed and standing in the mining ship. "M..M…Matt? A…A…Angus?"

The two boys ran up to their father, chattering excitedly like toddlers do. She wiped a tear away from her eye. Lorna gave Rimmer a shriek of surprise. "Oh, Arnie!" Lorna cried, not trying to fight tears back anymore, what was the point? Her husband was standing right there and he would wipe the tears away. Lorna ran to him, wrapping her arms around herself. "Oh, Arnie! I've missed you! Promise me you'll…Arnold?"

Rimmer turned around to face his wife, who had just hugged through him to the other side. "Lorna, my love, there's something I have to tell you," he said. "I'm dead."

She fell to her knees as tears came from her eyes in huge drops. Angus and Matt ran over to her, to console their mother. "Deid? My Arnie is…deid?" Lorna sobbed. The interior of this corridor smelled of stale cooking grease and felt like it. She brought both boys into a hug. Exhaustion settled over Lorna like a huge weight.

Dave placed a hand on Lorna's shoulder. "He's not dead…dead," he said. Dave felt sick to his stomach to have to tell a wife and mum this news. "He's a hologram! That's why you can see him and talk to him! It's just that you can't touch him anymore…and he can't touch you."

"You mean, he can never hug our sons?" sniffed Lorna, tears stining her eyes. Dave shook his head. "What about our dochters?"

Dave looked at Rimmer for some help. He leaned back on his heels. "She's pregnant, Lister," said Arnold. Rimmer turned to Lorna. "I promise my love, to be the best holographic father and husband!"

She wiped away the tears with the sleeve of her sweater. "You boys hear that? You are not tae run through daddy!" Lorna ordered.

Arnold nodded and turned to Dave and Cat. "She keeps these boys in line," Rimmer said. A thin moon smile rested on his lips. "And no doubt she'll do the same with the girls once they arrive."

"Speaking of the queans, is there a doctor on the ship? Or are they going to be birthed on earth?" asked Lorna.

"How long until your due?" asked Cat.

"Eight months."

"Yeah, they're going to be born on Red Dwarf," said Cat. "And there was a doctor but like everyone else on here, but me and Dave, he's dead."

Lorna felt her breath catch in her throat. Lorna's skin had become as white as wax. "Cat's right for once," said Rimmer. "There is no way to get back to earth in eight months and there is no doctor on this ship. I guess I'll have to learn and birth the girls myself!"

"Great idea!" said Lister. "One thing, you're a hologram!"


End file.
